Time Out on the Swings

Ahhhhhh....there is nothing so good as feeling good when you have felt so bad.  I still don't feel like me...but I feel less like the person I was on Saturday.  Please...just for me...take the time today to take a deep breath and revel in your wellness!  Laugh out loud at it and thank God for all He has brought to your life.  It is an amazing gift and one we take too much for granted.

I am learning through this.  I am learning about God's goodness through others...about the value of friends and family...about the importance of words...and how we need--I mean really need--each other.  I am also learning that I don't need to be in charge of everything....I can step back and let others do for me and not feel the need to secretly change something or do parts over the way I would do them (please tell me I'm not alone in this need for perfection...I agree, it's a curse).  I am learning others are capable and willing and don't need my interference or my "help".  I am learning that I am just one person in this big world and that all around me are "angels in disguise"  

Yes, the euphoria of feeling better is a great high!

I am also glad to have an idea of the pattern of my next couple months and what kind of side effects I can expect from my body.  I met with my oncologist today to get my blood counts and to talk to her about my week.  I told her all and I am sure it was not unexpected.  She told me to continue the Prilosec and the Mylanta until the Hairy Hearburn had a chance to calm down.  These two items have helped enormously and I was finally able to sleep last night.  Unfortunately, my counts are still low, but she didn't seem too concerned.  Although I do have to go back on Friday to have them taken again.  But now that I feel better, I can start eating a little better and maybe that will help.

I went for my wig fitting today.  I think it's going to look fine.  I have heard from many chemo patients that they don't always use the wig as much as scarves or caps/hats.  And hey, every woman likes to have a reason to buy some more accessories....so this is not all bad either.  I have slowly come to terms with my hair going "bye-bye" and don't really relate to it right now as I would have a week ago.  I am becoming more defined by who I am than by my hair.  And family and friends have helped me define who I am more than they know.  After the next trip to meet the "red devil", I am told it will be during that week that clumps will start falling.  At that time, my hairdresser is going to give me a short crew-cut and then, it's on to accessories and hair that won't frizz. 

Don't think that I don't know I will be swinging up and down again.  I do know that.  I just know now to be so thankful for the times the swing is going up instead of down.  And I need to remember that there are so many others just like me.  And they have all been through this and are now survivors.  And next year, when there is a Breast Cancer Walk, I will be walking proudly with my pink on and a smile wide and happy at just being there.

I am also aware that today there are so many others that are suffering much more than I know or could imagine....whether it is disease of body or mind or spirit.  We are just simple beings trying our best and sometimes we hurt and sometimes we cry and sometimes we laugh and sometimes we get it just right.  So, this is my "time out" on the swings and now I am going to start pumping my legs to start "swinging up".