The other day, I received in the mail one of those rubbery bracelets (in hot pink, of course) just the right size for my wrist that has printed on it, "Fight Like a Girl" along with the pink ribbon breast cancer symbol on either end. I wondered for the whole weekend who sent it? I asked so many people if they were the one who sent it and was about to appeal to the sender in this blog, Then today, my son told me he sent it. I love it! It's my sentiments exactly!
It appeals to me both in the reminder to fight....and the directive to do it like a "girl" (thanks, son, for that "girl" image...I feel so young now!). Because, honestly, girls....I think we do a pretty good job of standing up for ourselves, of not giving in, of turning the other cheek (even if we are stomping on someone's feet at the same time), and of gathering strength, pulling ourselves up by the bootstraps, and forging ahead! If I had to choose a team, I would always choose "Team Girl" over "Team Boy". So, Go Pink! We are beginning the fight right here and we won't stop...even when we see the "whites of their eyes".
I got one result today...and it was a good one (WHEW!). My PET scan showed no sign of cancer anywhere else. So, that is one result down. I also went to the breast surgeon and got my stitches out and had a great talk with her while I was there. I told her about my decision to do the double mastectomy and I don't think she was surprised at all. I wish everyone could have a surgeon like her...she even gave me a big kiss goodbye at the end of the visit! I go back to see her in 3 months and then we will open the conversation again and begin the planning for that particular stage in this journey. (By the way, she did say to tell my husband that since he didn't come to this visit, she missed another opportunity to feel his lung swell out through his chest muscle...told you medical personnel like that!). Tomorrow I go to see the oncologist at 4 pm to go over the chemo plans and all the do's, don'ts, and OK's and Not OK's.
The surgeon also mentioned the "W" word....WIG! And yes, I need to do this also. A blog or two back, I told you how I am dreading being "bang naked"? Well, you gotta love it....a neighbor of mine, who is also a breast cancer survivor (there are just too many of us around!), gave me a booklet from the American Cancer Society called "tlc" (yes, Tender Loving Care) that actually has BANGS THAT CAN ATTACH TO SCARVES AND HATS!!! I am soooo excited! It was like the greatest discovery since banana skins! AND....they also have these hair pieces that can also attach to a hat or scarf so it looks like you have hair in front of your ears! WOW...I can almost look "normal"! What a country America is! So, I will be ordering some "stuff" from them tomorrow and then going to the salon for the professional wig fit.
Lastly, tonight...I want to give a "shout out" to all the caregivers. We know we drive you crazy, and we know you care so much and you are trying to be strong for us. Every time I make some kind of movement that my husband thinks might mean I am hurting....he says quickly..."What's the matter...are you OK? What's wrong?" So I know he is still anxious about it all. I see him watching me when he thinks I am not looking. I know he hates the fact that everything seems to be changing around him and he just wants to go back to the way it was. But it can't. So...thank you, caregivers, for all you give us, for trying to hide your worry (but we know it means you care), and....for coping with the mood swings that are here to stay for a while....and mostly for loving us in spite of it all.