There is a lot of power in the words we use. In fact, the way in which we deliver our words has just as much of an impact. Words are our most important link with each other and with the world around us.
As one of my friends said, "After your meltdown, you will probably feel much better." And she was right. There was just too much emotion and too many words that were piling up inside me. And the volcano erupted so I could have some release.
It was a good weekend. We visited our granddaughter (who is full of words...funny and loving) and her parents. It was good to see my son again and feel his arms around me and hear "I love you". Three words that are like a balm to our hearts...you can never hear them enough.
The weekend became a reminder of words and their place in my life now. I was asked questions about my surgery, my treatment, my prognosis, etc. And I had a whole new vocabulary to use in my answers. Listening, reading, and gathering information has taken a large part of my time lately. Sometimes, the information just overloads my circuits, and I need to stop for a while. At other times, I am searching for answers and read anything I can find. And of course, this month is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, so news and information is just about everywhere. You can't pick up a newspaper or magazine that doesn't contain an article about it...and it seems most people you see or teams playing a sport are all wearing something pink to bring attention to breast cancer awareness. A good friend of ours earned her spot on the pink parade by participating in a breast cancer walk and she had asked if she could put my name (as well as others she knew who had beast cancer) on her shirt. I was so proud and thankful that she did this! But I also kept thinking...."wow, I'm now on someone's shirt...I never thought I would be there." And maybe we should all take note of that. Because you never know who breast cancer will hit next. If you are reading this and haven't had your mammography lately, please use your words and make that appointment RIGHT NOW!
The words that meant the most this weekend were the words of hope and comfort from others. There were no stories of "Aunt Mildred who had a horrific time with chemo or Aunt Sue who never made it past two years, etc., etc." Yeah....people DO tell you those stories. I'm not sure why they feel obligated to give you the sordid details, but they do. And these words are definitely words you need to walk away from. But the words I received were mainly from the members of my son's church (who all know my story) who just wanted to say they were praying for me, and knew that everything would be OK. I figure right now, I have just about every Christian church denomination and a few synagogues praying some good words for me. And I know God is listening and sending me the strength to get through this.
Tomorrow I have the port put in and then go right to the Cancer Center to have the first chemo cocktail mixed and put in an IV bag just for me. I have always hated taking any kind of medications, so the thought of all these chemicals messing (and eventual healing....let's not forget!) my body is unsettling. Not to mention the three prescriptions of anti-nausea meds that have been sent to me already. I feel like my body will never be the same again...and I guess, really...it isn't. I'm scared, I'm nervous and I'm anxious. But I need to do what I need to do.
I received two items this weekend that also have to do with words. The first was a NEW COMPUTER! Ours was a dinosaur from about 15 years ago that was extinct and slowly dying. I was starting to have trouble doing this blog at home as the computer kept freezing and making strange sounds. My son works in an IT department of his company and his boss offered one of the computers that no one was using. So, my son programmed it and what a blessing and unexpected gift that was from both of them! Now, I don't have to worry about not being able to get my words onto this blog...and this blog has become good and necessary company during this journey.
The second item was a sweatshirt from a couple we have known for a long time. And it has the same words as my bracelet...."Fight Like A Girl"...but I particularly love the pink punching bags after the words! Pictures really CAN say a thousand words. In this case they say, "We love you, we are praying for you, thinking of you, sending you strength, and behind you all the way. You CAN do this!" And as my young niece would have said a couple years ago...."Word UP!"