Thursday, June 2, 2011

Looking for the Comfort Zone

Today the phone rang and it was my oncologist with a reminder that since it is three weeks from surgery, it is time to have another mugascan (to check the heart ejection factor) and come back to see her.  That means I also need to start up the Herceptin once again.  I am not looking forward to the leg and joint pains coming back again.  Besides the pain of the mastectomy surgery, I have not had that pain for a while now and just feel like I would like to get over one thing before adding the other.  But I guess that is not to be.

Since I wrote last, I went back once more to the plastic surgeon on Tuesday.  He saw something else he "didn't like" on the other breast, but said it was only "superficial" and he cut just a small piece out.  He said it should be OK, and I could now go one week before seeing him again.  However, today, I don't like the look of it since it looks infected and I am going to have to call him again tomorrow so he can "give it a look".  However, the other side is looking good.  Maybe once I get this other side under control, then I can get back on the wagon train to reconstruction.  

I am still feeling uncomfortable and sometimes it is still painful (especially at night).  I have very few painkillers left, and I am very selective about when I use them.  Sleep is not easy as I am a stomach sleeper and obviously, cannot do that now.  I can get more on my side now for a while, but my back feels so uncomfortable some nights that I have to go from bed to bed to couch to wherever I can get comfortable enough to get some sleep.  

I have also found it necessary to get some clothing that I feel comfortable in right now.  Most of my summer clothing is a little more form-fitting, and I am just not feeling good about my "form" right now.  So I have gone shopping to get some tops that will be somewhat loose enough so my changing "form" is not so obvious.  I keep wondering what I am going to do for a swimsuit...but I've got time to think about that (and to see what kind of "form" I will have by then).

It is still a little hard to be at home so long.  I am so used to coming and going at will.  And I miss my kids at preschool.  I am going to try to get back there by the end of next week, which is the last week of school before summer.  And I definitely want to be there on Friday night for Graduation.  I haven't missed one yet, and don't want to miss this one.

So this week it's all about trying to find "the comfort zone"...a place, or a position, or a feeling of relief whether I am sitting, standing, or laying down.  At least, it has created a lot more prayin' time since God's up all night anyway! 

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