I never thought a month ago, when writing a blog was suggested to me that it would become such an integral part of my journey. I started out not wanting to "scare anyone away" with just how hard it is, but quickly realized that this was actually more for me than anyone else. I make no apologies for the blogs that have been hard to read; instead I am glad you have been my company "for the ride". And as Margo Channing said in All About Eve, "Fasten your seatbelts, it's going to be a bumpy night!" (But it's smooth riding right now...don't fret!)
Boy...was Saturday tough! A friend had called Saturday afternoon, and I am sure she didn't expect to get the weeping, depressed person she spoke to....but it absolutely meant so much that she didn't try to get right off the phone and instead listened and offered words of encouragement. Today, from that same friend, I received on my doorknob a card with beautiful sentiment and a gift of some creams and body washes "to help me slow down and pamper myself". Again, God coming in the form of a familiar friend lifting me up. Sunday, my husband and I took a drive, and it really helped to get outside and smell the fresh air and it was a beautiful day. But even before that, I was feeling much stronger emotionally that morning when I got up.
By Monday, I felt still weak and a little dizzy, but tried to keep moving doing some simple housekeeping and talking a walk. By noon, I knew I was getting back to myself and that I would be able to get in and see those beautiful kids in preschool the next day. And today, that's exactly where I went. It felt good to be there even though I was tired by noontime. But, I made it there!
I keep forgetting just how powerful these two chemo drugs are and the toll they are taking on my body for now. I really need to take advice given to step back and just allow them to do their work and stop racing to bounce back so quickly. (Just who am I racing with, anyway?) And you know, here I was so worried about myself bouncing back that I forgot how often it is that children become ill during holidays. So, you guessed it...my granddaughter is sick right now and they won't be able to come for Thanksgiving anyway. But, honestly, I also am still feeling a little tired and worn and glad we are still able to go to my nephew and my "old-same's" house for dinner and company. My son, daughter-in-law and granddaughter are coming the weekend of December 10-12, and that will be something to look forward to next month.
So, I am OK. I could be better indeed, but I am really OK. The Rally Cap is on and I am ready to give my thanks this week for all God has given and done for me and I am also thankful for only one more "red devil" treatment. Then I can kiss her "goodbye" and move on!
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!