Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The Cutting Edge

I went back to the plastic surgeon today for another post-op check.  As he stared at my one breast, he said, "I don't like the looks of this."  Not exactly what I wanted to hear.  It seems he "hasn't really like the look of that breast since the first time I saw him in his office.  He "had a feeling" some of the skin was just not going to "come alive".  And in fact, today he was right and today he decided to do something about it.  And today was the day my husband didn't come with me (a friend drove me), so I didn't have his hand to squeeze during the next part of the visit.

You see, some of my skin was no longer "alive.  Instead it had died and needed to be removed.  He went into his cabinets and started taking out all sorts of stuff and putting on gloves and draping the area around my right breast.  He asked if I indeed was as numb as he thought I should be and then he started.  The first thing he did was take out some liquid from the expander so "he had more skin to work with".  Then, he cut the dead skin away and then sutured it all up.  All within 45 minutes.  I did not feel a thing, however the sounds of what he was doing will be enough to make me squirm for the next day or two.  I go back to him on Friday to find out the verdict:  if indeed it will work or not.  He told me the chances are 80%-20%, so please send your prayers this way that it will take.  If not, I will have to endure (as he calls it) "Plan B" which is to take skin from my back and graft it to my breast.  I am so hoping that this will not have to be done.

This past weekend was not a pleasant one.  I was feeling "not too bad" with all the pain killers and meds, but as I was slowly taken off of the them, the real discomfort began.  It was hard to find a comfortable place in which to sleep and I would be gratified for a couple hours together of sleep whenever I could get them.  Waking up in the mornings, it would feel like there was a square all around my chest that was pressing into me.  As I would move, I could stand it more and more and get through the day.  By night time, the muscle spasms started and I just couldn't seem to find a way to be comfortable whether I was sitting or laying down.  Standing and walking around however, was strangely the most comfortable.

I'm still finding it hard to be patient in the waiting and the healing.  And today certainly is not helping.  I feel like I am taking one step forward, then one step back.  I am certainly hoping that I will not have to have the skin graft and believe me, if the cutting he did today does not work, then I have found the answer to the question, "Could it get any worse?"  Clearly, that is a rhetorical question. 

Least you think that I am depressed, however, I am not.  I was warned that this "could" happen, so it was not a total shock.  I was just hoping it was not something I would have to worry about.  I keep thinking to myself just to get through one thing at a time.  So right now, I am looking to just get through until Friday when I will find out the answer and know what the next step will look like.  I will let you know.

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