Never Say "Never"

I can't believe I am saying this...but I might have to have more surgery!  Yeah, I know...I said there would be no more.  I am kinda dazed myself.

Without my realizing it, it started a few weeks ago.  There was an area on my right breast near the recent skin graft sutures that developed this "blood blister" area.  My surgeon watched it one week, then two weeks ago, he kinda "scraped it" (yuck...and it hurt; even though there is not much feeling).  He told me to keep putting on antibiotic ointment and a bandage and that he would be going away the following week but that I would see his colleague while he was gone.  It did start getting red by the next visit but when I mentioned this to the colleague, but he said it would be "OK".  Well, evidently...NOT!

My surgeon was back this week, took one look at it yesterday and said, "I don't like that it is not getting better and that it is getting red.  And I am not going to wait long this time for your skin to get better.  I feel we waited too long last time.  Therefore, I am going to take this piece out and if on Friday (when he will see me again) it doesn't look any better, then I am going to have to do some more surgery.  However, please know it will not be as involved as all you have gone through.  it will be outpatient and just involve "moving the skin graft over".  Easy for him to say!

I sat there in shock as he got himself and me ready for the small piece of skin to be cut from my breast..

It is sad that I was just beginning to feel somewhat better even though there was this one little area of trouble apparently brewing.  Now, today, one day after he cut the piece out, I am once again feeling some pain and uncomfortableness (will it ever stop???) and can't stop thinking that I just KNOW my skin will not be "behaving" again.

One of my dear friends just gave me a prayer shawl that she crocheted for me.  It is beautiful and I look at it and just think of all the prayers she told me she said for me as she created the shawl.  It came at a good time since it is now my "comfort item" much like the "blankies" my preschool kids bring in with them for their own comfort.  She did make me laugh, however, when she said that it is my "lousy Irish skin" causing the problems since every Irish person she knows has had problems with their skin after surgery.  I didn't want her to know that I am not as Irish as she thinks; but I do agree with her that I have lousy skin.

I now dread going back to his office.  And I am sure I am his worst patient nightmare also as everytime he has thought we are "done", I seem to bring a surprise with me on a future visit.

So, prayer warriors...I am in need of your prayers for healing for this area so that I will not need to undergo surgery yet again.  As for me right now, I'm wrapping myself up in the prayers my shawl will whisper to me.